WHO WEEPS FOR VICTORYA HONG?

As readers of this blog well know, my very essence has been concentrated on seeking out a solution to this writers' strike, so that the unimaginable catastrophe of the Oscars being cancelled does not occur.

However, even with my tunnel-visioned focus, an injustice has been committed, and in such matters, I am loathe to hold my tongue.

Nina Garcia, Michael Kors and Heidi Klum, like thieves in the dead of night, wheedled and conspired to eliminate the most talented fashion designer yet seen in the history of "Project Runway". I speak, of course, of Ms. Victorya Hong, whose creations inspired America during her time on the show.

Now we are left with a collection of five-thumbed hacks vying for an undeserved opportunity to present at Fashion Week. I shan't be watching the remainder of this year's shows and I would encourage all to follow a similar course of action.

And to Ms. Hong; worry not. I am with you in Rockland.

SOUTH CAROLINA: DECISION 2008

As part of our continuing series to provide different viewpoints surrounding the events leading up to the Presidential Election, we today welcome guest blogger, Jerry Weltz. Mr. Weltz has had his comments published over 43,000 times on The Daily Kos website, always accompanied by his familiar tagline, "Zero tolerance for Republican bullshit".

Umm, Huckabee . . . pander much?

SOUTH CAROLINA: DECISION 2008

IBP will be welcoming a number of guest bloggers in the coming months to report on the 2008 Presidential campaign, including the venerable C.W. Eversham, who has reported on every American presidential campaign since Dwight Eisenhower's re-election in 1956. No less an authority than author, Theodore White, once dubbed Eversham as "the crustiness on the American political baguette."

When people ask me to describe South Carolina, I ask them if they have ever taken a sauna bath with a group of toothless men attempting to in some way in their conversation approximate the English language. The answer is usually in the negative for which I tell them they may thank their lucky stars.

The laughably dubbed "Palmetto State" has already pronounced its verdict in the GOP primary. Governor Huckabee continued on the path to the anonymity he so richly deserves, despite wrapping himself in the Confederate flag. Even that transparent shameless tactic was not enough to garner him a victory in this hotbed of succession. Young Romney was similarly unsuccessful, proving that for their many faults, the low rent back country intellect of South Carolinians is superior to that of the Michigan ignoramuses and Nevada soddomites in ferreting out an empty suit with a full head of hair and a bulging wallet. I never cared for his father, George, either; had me thrown off the press train over forty years ago for calling him on one of his positions.

As for the Democratic primary, I will be keeping my head low these next few days. Mrs. Nixon seems intent on whipping up a race riot with her code words, and experience has taught me that it is best not to be in the area when one of those commences, and that is a philosophy which has stood me in good stead.

TINSELTOWN: REPORT ON THE CONTINUING CRISIS

As we each deal with the exquisite individualized torment of comtemplating the very notion that the Oscars may be cancelled, this corner would be abdicating its responsibility if it did join all of Hollywood in mourning the loss of one of its brightest young stars, Mr. Heath Ledgers. Beginning and continuing in his breakout performance in the landmark "Brokeback Mountain", Mr. Ledgers left an acting legacy for which we will all be the poorer in not having seen fulfilled.

NFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME

The Giants 23-20 overtime win over the Packers in the NFC Championship Game presented an interesting contrast in strategies by the opposing coaches. Giants' Coach Tom Coughlin, left a good bit of his face exposed, earning the Civil War General-like sobriequet, "Ol' Red Face" Coughlin, whereas Packers' Coach Mike McCarthy, with far more expansive jowls to protect from the cold, wore a full head and neck covering wool cap.

MICHIGAN: DECISION 2008

IBP will be welcoming a number of guest bloggers in the coming months to report on the 2008 Presidential campaign, including the venerable C.W. Eversham, who has reported on every American presidential campaign since Dwight Eisenhower's re-election in 1956. No less an authority than author, Theodore White, once dubbed Eversham as "the crustiness on the American political baguette."

The telex has been chattering with missives all day from various and sundry second guessers, back seat drivers and Monday morning quarterbacks, questioning as to the howcomes and whyfors I did not foresee a Romney victory. The answer is simple. How can a rational man be expected to anticipate the actions of the ignoramuses who roam the countryside in this nightmarish State, which I was mercifully allowed to depart this evening.

However, I must add a note regarding the increasing coarsening of civility. I realize that the time when a respectable man would not dream of going out for so much as a walk in the park without a dress coat and proper hat is long gone. But today, when I arrived at the airport, I saw an apparent rummy, holding a sign suggesting that a certain presidential candidate be defecated upon. I made a point to flag down a passing constabulary and had that man arrested. And as much as the thought of returning again to Michigan before the passage of another four years sickens me, I will, as a matter of principal, return to testify against this dullard should the law so demand.

MICHIGAN: DECISION 2008

As part of our guest blogger series, IBP is honored to present Claude Augern, for years the host of NBC's popular Sunday Morning show, "Augern's America". As he did for over twenty years on his talk show, Augern will be seeking the amusing, unsual and eccentric characters that flit around the edges of important American events.



Here in the airport which serves the former trading outpost of Detroit, travelers scatter like the beavers and otters around Lake Michigan. As I traverse the short distance from the baggage claim towards a waiting cab, I notice a weary fellow traveler, who signals me with an upward jerk of his head and a connivial, "S'up."

Sitting on a rumpled dufflebag by the exit, cadging change in a plastic cup, is Hugh Farlin. His one moment of glory came twenty-two years earlier at the Democratic Convention in New York City, when he was shown holding aloft a sign proclaiming, "Grits and Fritz Give Me The Sh**s", Hugh Farlin has traveled to Michigan, following candidate, Mitt Romney. Hugh Farlin believes that the ease with which "Mitt" can be rhymed with a common barnyard expression for feces, gives him his best opportunity to replicate his crowning moment of 1976.

Today, Hugh Farlin informs me that he believes the Romney campaign will breath its last this evening in the Michigan primary and he will forever be denied a second chance at fame. Thus, like many of us, desperate for a final grasp at the brass ring, Hugh Farlin has decided to take a shortcut. He will no longer support Romney. Instead he will try to catch the attention of the nation's media by holding aloft an anti-Romney sign, which reads simply, "S** on Mitt".

I leave Hugh Farlin to his coin cadging and wish him luck.

MICHIGAN: DECISION 2008

Grant "Gopher" Jones is a syndicated writer whose column "My Unconfirmed Sources Tell Me . . . " appears in over fifty-two newspapers. As one libel attorney aptly summarized, "Gopher is the kind of reporter who keeps his ear to the ground . . . and sometimes under it." IBP is pleased to have him guest blogging for us during this political season.


My unconfirmed sources tell me:

. . . that for reasons yet unknown to this reporter, Senator Clinton's "oppo" research team has been scouring the land for old tapes of the radio show, "Amos 'n Andy". . .

. . . Guilinai's first marraige to a cousin does not poll well with evangelicals . . .

COLLEGE FOOTBALL UPDATE

Although all parties will deny it, my sources are telling me that if Pete Carroll had bolted USC for the Atlanta Falcons' job, the Men of Troy were prepared to go to any length to wrest Charlie Weis away from Notre Dame.

MICHIGAN: DECISION 2008

IBP will be welcoming a number of guest bloggers in the coming months to report on the 2008 Presidential campaign, including the venerable C.W. Eversham, who has reported on every American presidential campaign since Dwight Eisenhower's re-election in 1956. No less an authority than author, Theodore White, once dubbed Eversham as "the crustiness on the American political baguette."

I had intended to cover tonight's Republican primary on site. However, it is snowing here in Michigan. For those of you who have not been exposed to Michigan, it is a desolate landscape that progress forgot, strewn with the reddish-brown twisted hulks of abandoned factories to which workers will never return. My experience with Michigan politics informs me that monies intended for snow removal never found their intended destination. I will not be venturing out under these conditions. Doubtful that I could get my feet warm.

My sense of the electorate is that the young Romney will find further proof tonight that a good head of hair, a square jaw and a full wallet, even in these regrettable times, are not sufficient qualifications to be the leader of the free world. Frankly, I never cared for his father. George was one of these puffed up roosters, who liked to hold court, and when I set him straight on a few things, he attempted to have me thrown off the press train. I can't recall a more enjoyable night then writing the obituary on George's presidential run, which I concluded with a pithy, "Good riddance."

THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION: DECISION 2008

IBP will be presenting various viewpoints from guest bloggers in the coming weeks as the election progresses. We were pleasantly surprised to be contacted by Shep Martin, famed political satirist of the '60's and '70's. Shep's jokes and satirical songs were famed for taking the pulse of the American body politic, until the tide of public opinion turned against his "type" of humor. Shep performed at the piano every Thursday night for eighteen years in the lobby of the old Adams-Monroe Hotel in Washington, D.C., until it was condemned upon the discovery of rats in the Hotel's kitchen. When notified of the condition, Shep memorably quipped, "Rats? What happened, is the Capital Building sinking?"

Today, he gifts this site with the lyrics of his latest satirical song, which is sung to the tune of "Ebony and Ivory". Please click the link below for audio:

Happily,
Senator John Kerry
Chose Obama instead of Hillary.
He's a jinx,
Might just cost votes,
Swift boats,
What an ass!

(Repeat refrain)

THE GOLF CORNER: THE TIGHLMAN CONTROVERSY

Guest blogger, Jerry Weltz, has had his comments published over 43,000 times on The Daily Kos website, always accompanied by his familiar tagline, "Zero tolerance for Republican bullshit."

Having followed the debate on the Tighlman controversy on this site, Mr. Weltz requested that he get to add his dime's worth on the subject.

Uh, Eversham . . . "Got Sexist"?

THE GOLF CORNER: THE TIGHLMAN CONTROVERSY

The venerable C.W. Eversham, who has reported on every American presidential campaign since Dwight Eisenhower's re-election in 1956, has been guest blogging regarding politics on IBP. No less an authority than author, Theodore White, once dubbed Eversham as "the crustiness on the American political baguette."

Having read "Irish" Jimmy Clancy's take on the controversy in the golfing world, Eversham departs from the world of politics to comment on l'affaire Tighlman.

Despite much chatter having been wasted to no good ends on this Woods matter, every one still seems to be missing the larger point. One would suppose that even the most childlike mind could discern that this in not a racial issue, but a gender issue. The problem was indulging in the foolishness of allowing a female broadcaster to comment on men's sports. The gals are fine on cooking shows or giving helpful household tips on the morning news programs, but are out of their depth in men's sports.

The fairer sex's intrusion into the golf world has wrought calamitous results on the fairways as well. At a more civilized time in our nation's history, any decent private golf club restricted the gals' tee-offs to very specific times, to prevent the real golfers from being slowed down. Since that wise policy has gone into decline, I cannot recount for you the number of times I have had to wait on a lagging foursome of hens taking their time putting out. While "hitting up" on them, firing one across their bow, may not be chivalric, it certainly puts a hurry up in the ladies' giddyup.

THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION: DECISION 2008

IBP will be presenting various viewpoints from guest bloggers in the coming weeks as the election progresses. We were pleasantly surprised to be contacted by Shep Martin, famed political satirist of the '60's and '70's. Shep's jokes and satirical songs were famed for taking the pulse of the American body politic, until the tide of public opinion turned against his "type" of humor. Shep performed at the piano every Thursday night for eighteen years in the lobby of the old Adams-Monroe Hotel in Washington, D.C., until it was condemned upon the discovery of rats in the Hotel's kitchen. When notified of the condition, Shep memorably quipped, "Rats? What happened, is the Capital Building sinking?"

Today, he gifts this site with the lyrics of his latest satirical song, which is sung to the tune of the old Frito Bandito commerical. Please click the link below for audio:

Ay yi, yi, yi
I am the New Mexico Governor
I ran for President,
I got me no votes,
Today, I withdraw,
I can't blame no swift boats

(Repeat refrain)

TINSELTOWN: REPORT ON THE CONTINUING CRISIS

If you have any tears left after the cancellation of the Golden Globes, prepare to shed them now, for one of the finest American actors has revealed himself not only as a man who plays heroes magnificently on the silver screen, but who is one in real life as well, with this stirring statement regarding the Oscar ceremonies:

"The show must go on, that is one of the tenets of everything," Tom Hanks told Reuters in London.
"I am a member of the board of governors of the Academy, and we definitely want to put on a great show and honor the films that have come out in the course of the year," he said on the red carpet at the premiere of his film "Charlie Wilson's War."

Bravo, Mr. Hanks. Bravisimo.

THE GOLF CORNER: THE TIGHLMAN CONTROVERSY

Long time IBP reader and certified golfaholic, "Irish" Jimmy Clancy, who has live blogged for this site from every golf major in the past eight years, checks in to provide his take on the recent incident wherein Kelly Tighlman remarked on the Golf Channel that younger golfers should perhaps "lynch" Tiger Woods to improve their chances of winning.

Sure'n, they're all giving the girl a bad time of it. What I want to know is why they don't play the whole tape, so that we can hear what that English bastard, Faldo, said in response to her comment about Woods, "maybe they should take him in a back alley and lynch him." Have you marked that they never play the whole tape? Did Faldo try to say something witty in reply, such as, "Like we hanged all those Irishmen for the wearing o' the green"? Because if he did, then sure'n, the bastards will have a whole 'nother kettle of fish on their hands.

NEW HAMPSHIRE: DECISION 2008

IBP will be welcoming a number of guest bloggers in the coming months to report on the 2008 Presidential campaign, including the venerable C.W. Eversham, who has reported on every American presidential campaign since Dwight Eisenhower's re-election in 1956. No less an authority than author, Theodore White, once dubbed Eversham as "the crustiness on the American political baguette."

And so, for the fourteenth time in my career as a political reporter, I have received my commutation allowing me to gratefully depart this sub-zero backwater of a state. New Hampshire! New Hampshire! The land of misfits and the ignorant!

I had fully anticipated being on scene, covering events as they unfolded, but as has happened so often in this forsaken outpost, I could not seem to get my feet warm, and decided to stay in my hotel room. For once, I was pleasantly surprised that New Hampshire voters, probably by accident, having gauged the intellect of these people over the course of fifty-two years, threw a brake on the runaway train that was the idea of a need for change.

While the idea of a change in government may have an initial appeal, the ship of state needs an experienced hand on the tiller. It is difficult at times to explain to exuberant youth, but any change should be tempered by the firm guidance of politicians who have benefited by the system in its present form.
By cutting out the legs of the "change" stampede, New Hampshirites showed rare good judgment in giving impetus to the campaigns of seasoned candidates who will insure that "change" is something you find between the cushions of your divan.

NEW HAMPSHIRE: DECISION 2008

Grant "Gopher" Jones is a syndicated writer whose column "My Unconfirmed Sources Tell Me . . . " appears in over fifty-two newspapers. As one libel attorney aptly summarized, "Gopher is the kind of reporter who keeps his ear to the ground . . . and sometimes under it." IBP is pleased to have him guest blogging for us during this political season.

My unconfirmed sources tell me:

. . . after another poor showing, Senator Fred Thompson, is ready to withdraw and has already lined up his first post-campaign acting gig, playing a no-nonsense pest inspector on the ABC comedy, "The World According To Jim".

. . . that after besting former New York Mayor Rudolph Guiliani in New Hampshire, Representative Ron Paul is convinced that his campaign theme downplaying the necessity of the American Civil War is beginning to gain traction . . .

. . . Senator Barack Obama is expected to link the loss of African-American contestants, Curtis and Mallory, on "The Biggest Loser" to his own loss on the same night in New Hampshire, as a sign of the systemic racism which still prevades the electorate . . .

NEW HAMPSHIRE: DECISION 2008

As part of our guest blogger series, IBP is honored to present Claude Augern, for years the host of NBC's popular Sunday Morning show, "Augern's America". As he did for over twenty years on his talk show, Augern will be seeking the amusing, unsual and eccentric characters that flit around the edges of important American events.

I am always seized by a wistfulness upon leaving a place, whether I have been there for one day or ten years. And so, wistfulness visits me again as I arrive at the airport, preparing to leave New Hampshire, unsure if I will ever return.

And walking through the airport, I am surprised to encounter one Hugh Farlin, laying across three plastic chairs, covered by a newspaper blaring the headline of a McCain victory. His one moment of glory having come twenty-two years earlier at the Democratic Convention in New York City, when he was shown holding aloft a sign proclaiming, "Grits and Fritz Give Me The Sh**s", Hugh Farlin had traveled to New Hampshire to support his chosen candidate, Mitt Romney. Hugh Farlin believes that the ease with which "Mitt" can be rhymed with a common barnyard expression for feces, gives him his best opportunity to replicate his crowning moment of 1976.

But on this morning, following another Romney defeat, Hugh Farlin is not ebullient.

NEW HAMPSHIRE: DECISION 2008

As part of our continuing series to provide different viewpoints surrounding the events leading up to the Presidential Election, we today welcome guest blogger, Jerry Weltz. Mr. Weltz has had his comments published over 43,000 times on The Daily Kos website, always accompanied by his familiar tagline, "Zero tolerance for Republican bullshit."

Ummmm . . . McCain? How 'bout . . . uh, no?

FROM TINSELTOWN: STOP THE MADNESS

I should like to thank the thousands of people who sent me e-mails inquiring as to what they could do to somehow prevent the cancellation of the Golden
Globes. Regrettably, our best efforts have been for naught. My last ditch one day wildcat counter strike against the WGA on behalf of the movie going public ended badly. The majesty of the Golden Globes will be reduced to the trifle of a press conference.

For now, my work here in Hollywood is done. I will be girding my loins for the cataclysmic battle which will surely ensue if so much as a hint of a rumor emerges that Oscar may be cancelled. I urge all of you similarly vexed to check this site for updates, so that we may be ready to mobilize at the drop of a kerchief .

New Hampshire: Decision, 2008

ISP will be welcoming a number of guest bloggers in the coming months to report on the 2008 Presidential campaign, including the venerable C.W. Eversham, who has reported on every American presidential campaign since Dwight Eisenhower's re-election in 1956. No less an authority than author, Theodore White, once dubbed Eversham as "the crustiness on the American political baguette."

It has been many years since this reporter found it in anyway illustrative to head north in this American Siberia to chronicle the doings of the first voters at Dixville Notch. My memories of the misbegotten inhabitants of that frigid outpost, pale, toothless, multi-limbed, makes one savor the intelligence of the nation's founders in endowing only men of substance and property with the right to vote.

I opted instead to enjoy my breakfast in the hotel lobby in proximity to a roaring fireplace. While I enjoyed the cuisine, a hot piping cup of coffee and a prune danish, which has had a slight laxative effect, I was greatly disappointed in the service. By my lights, a "bottomless cup" does not mean that the waitress doesn't have to chop, chop, on the re-fills. In lieu of a tip, and commensurate with my philosophy of teaching a man to fish, I gave the young filly of a waitress a lecture on her responsibility to each diner, regardless of the amount of the tab.

As part of our continuing series to provide different viewpoints surrounding the events leading up to the Presidential Election, we today welcome guest blogger, Jerry Weltz. Mr. Weltz has had his comments published over 43,000 times on The Daily Kos website, always accompanied by his familiar tagline, "Zero tolerance for Republican bullshit".

"Ummmm . . . McCain? How 'bout . . . uh, no?

New Hampshire: Decision, 2008

Grant "Gopher" Jones is a syndicated writer whose column "My Unconfirmed Sources Tell Me . . . " appears in over fifty-two newspapers. As one libel attorney aptly summarized, "Gopher is the kind of reporter who keeps his ear to the ground . . . and sometimes under it." IBP is pleased to have him guest blogging for us during this political season.

My unconfirmed sources tell me:

. . . that if old warhorse, McCain, loses in New Hampshire, he's prepared to circle the wagons to take a real run at it in 2012 . . .

. . . that Ron Paul in an attempt to gain traction with the electorate will start hitting harder at his theme that the American Civil War was completely unnecessary . . .

. . . that if McCain takes New Hampshire, Romney takes Michigan, Thompson takes South Carolina and Rudy takes Florida, the fractured field might just give Tom Tancredo a reason to get back in the race . . .

. . . that a poor performance and lack of popularity, not any explosive scandalous threatened discloures, were the real reasons that Senators Dodd and Biden got out of the race. . .

FROM TINSELTOWN: "STOP THE MADNESS"

I should not be able to look myself in the mirror were I not to comment upon the latest and most deflating news yet to emerge from the union strife, which has infected Hollywood like the dengue fever.

Word arrives today that The Golden Globes will not be televised. As one who has attended every Golden Globes awards show for twenty-five years in some capacity as a member of the entertainment community or the food service industry, I would be remiss if I did not note that these scenarios can engender a domino effect. Must this situation be pushed to the brink of the unthinkable possibility of no appearance by Oscar? Can one even imagine such a thing?

New Hampshire: Decision, 2008

As part of our guest blogger series, IBP is honored to present Claude Augern, for years the host of NBC's popular Sunday Morning show, "Augern's America". As he did for over twenty years on his talk show, Augern will be seeking the amusing, unsual and eccentric characters that flit around the edges of important American events.

Here in Nashua, New Hampshire, resting on the stump of all that remains of a once mighty maple tree is Hugh Farlin. Nodding a connivial, "How'se ya doin'?" at passing New Hampshirites, Mr. Farlin considers himself the biggest Mitt Romney supporter in the United States.

Now, Mr. Farlin, knows nothing about Mr. Romney's position on the issues of the day and five will get you ten that he might not even be able to pick the former Massachusetts' Governor out of a police line-up. The candidate potentially holds out the possiblity of accomplishing a far more important objective for Hugh Farlin, outside the realm of petty politics.

Mitt Romney can help Hugh Farlin re-capture the most transcendent moment of his youth.

For it was at the Democratic National Convention in 1976 at Madison Square Garden that Hugh Farlin climbed the mountaintop. For younger readers, it may be instructive to point out that network television was a more genteel place, free of the depredations so common to today's viewing public. On the final day of that Convention, as the Democrat nominees for President and Vice-President, Jimmy Carter and Walter "Fritz" Mondale, appeared on stage, hands clasped and arms raised, the convention floor a roiling scene of pandemonium, a younger, spry Hugh Farlin waited patiently for an ABC producer to point the camera in his direction. Waiting for the optimum moment when the camera's red eye blinked in his direction, Hugh Farlin stood bolt upright and held aloft a sign for the nation to read, which read: "Grits and Fritz give me the sh**s."

It has been thirty-two years since that moment. At long last, Hugh Farlin has found another candidate whose name fits into a convenient rhyming meter with the common euphemism for feces. And thus here, under a darkening sky in Nashua, New Hampshire, Hugh Farlin sits and waits for the arrival of Mitt Romney.

New Hampshire: Decision, 2008

IBP will be welcoming a number of guest bloggers in the coming months to report on the 2008 Presidential campaign. Our first guest blogger is the venerable C.W. Eversham, who has reported on every American presidential campaign since Dwight Eisenhower's re-election in 1956. No less an authority than author, Theodore White, once dubbed Eversham as "the crustiness on the American political baguette."

After more than a half century of filing dispatches from the Granite State, I am still left to ponder the question of whether the state's moniker was derived from what surely must be between an inhabitant's ears to willingly exile oneself to a life in this grim backwater. The cold - that is what I shall remember of New Hampshire on my deathbed - the cold.

Today, I was subjected to the spectacle of Senator Hillary Clinton becoming emotionally distraught over a softball question as to "how she does it". Combined with her performance at Saturday night's debate, when she became unhinged with anger, she has ably demonstrated why most Americans are not ready to have a gal as President. As I have counseled younger media members looking to draw on my experience, never forget that the word "hysterical" comes from the Greek word for "woman". (Ergo "hysterectomy".)

As for her main competitor, Senator Barack Obama, much less running for President, in my day, he would not have been allowed to

(ISP NOTE: The transmission of C.W. Eversham terminated here for what we are assuming are technical reasons. )